The following articles are a four-part series that take a deep dive into the issue of sexual assault. This series was awarded third place for community service at the 2018 APME awards.
When she turned on the news to watch Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony during the Brett Kavanaugh confirmation hearings in late September, she wanted to vomit.
“When I first heard Christine do her testimony, I felt empowered by it because I thought she was going to have her platform, but Kavanaugh was so angry,” said the one-time Brazoria County resident, who we will call Amy to protect the identities of those involved. “It was like everyone thought a ‘good guy’ can’t be a rapist. Just because you’re a ‘good guy’ doesn’t mean you can’t be a rapist or an attempted rapist.
“Then, when I heard people say, ‘We believe her but we’re still going to vote for him,’ that brought me back to what people said about my case,” Amy said. “They said, ‘Well he’s a nice guy and she’s a nice girl. That wouldn’t happen.’”
Her recollections are from almost two decades ago, when she was a college student. Her longtime boyfriend had recently broken things off, and she tried to forget about her heartbreak for a bit by attending a party where some of her friends would be, Amy said.
When her ex showed up, his new girlfriend at his side, Amy said she tried to flood her emotions with alcohol.
She drank and drank and drank until she threw up, she said. Then, she went to use the restroom. She described herself as being so drunk she could barely stand when she stumbled into the trees, away from the already remote area where the party took place.
Amy claims a man then pushed her to the ground, removed her clothes and assaulted her. She says she began to lose consciousness and was unable to scream for help. She regained her senses and heard a friend calling for her in the distance. Amy says the friend found her naked and unable to move without help.
Amy did not immediately go to police. When she did come forward, years later, a grand jury declined to indict the man she claimed had assaulted her. A lack of physical evidence and holes about her credibility because she had been heavily intoxicated that night likely were factors.
“There are still a lot of sensitive times that come up and you never know when it’s going to
come up and then ‘boom!’ — you feel it all over,” Amy said.
Those flashbacks are not unusual, experts say.
RELIVING THE PAIN
Retraumatization is something that happens to victims over and over again when sexual assault cases appear in the news. With the rise of the #MeToo movement over one year ago — felling movie executive Harvey Weinstein, comedy legend Bill Cosby, celebrity chef Mario Batali, Sen. Al Franken, actor Kevin Spacey and others in its course — sexual assault survivors experience vivid flashbacks of their own assaults with each new, detailed revelation.
“Trauma changes the brain,” said Sarah Kinsworthy, a counselor at Counseling Connections for Change in Pearland who works with survivors of sexual assault and specializes in trauma therapy. “When someone experiences a traumatic event, the part of the brain we call fight-or-flight mode stores the memory in the body, so you have the body memory as well as the visual memory.”
The Kavanaugh hearings touched a nerve with many sexual assault survivors. The National Sexual Assault Hotline reported it had the busiest day in its history after Ford testified, handling a 738 percent increase in calls over a typical Friday, NPR reported. YWCA of Metropolitan Chicago’s Rape Crisis Hotline had three times as many as usual.
In many cases, callers had significantly healed from the event and hadn’t thought of it in years, Anne Pezzillo, director of counseling services at the YWCA of Metropolitan Chicago, told NPR’s “Here and Now.” Involuntarily, their minds brought them back to their personal hells as if it were happening anew, she said.
How it felt. What they heard. What they saw. And everything that came after.
“When someone hears a case like the Kavanaugh case in the media and they are triggered, they have not only an emotional response and physiological response, but beliefs they have about their trauma come back,” Kinsworthy said. “For example, they say, ‘I don’t believe I’m safe’ or ‘I’m not in control.’ It could be a number of negative beliefs they may have. ‘I was helpless,’ ‘I was powerless.’ It’s a very real experience for victims.”
RAISING AWARENESS
The #MeToo movement helped bring attention to sexual assault claims, but in doing so, it revealed how little is known by the public about the complex issue.
Dawn Lawless, a social worker at Counseling Connections who regularly works with juvenile sex offenders, said the problem has to be addressed from all angles by everyone.
“You’ve got to address it across the spectrum,” she said. “Teach teenagers early on about dating and relationships, teaching college students about self-care. And you have to deal with the offenders. There has to be treatment for offenders to determine risk levels and whether they’re a risk to reoffend.
“And then focus on recovery. Because once you’re a victim, your vulnerability to be a victim a second time is higher. That’s even higher for children because they’ve already been compromised on a certain level.”
SPEAKING UP: Doubts from others keep many victims silent
HELP IS AVAILABLE The Women’s Center of Brazoria County has two 24-hour hotlines where a trained specialist can help if you or a loved one were assaulted. Call 1-800-243-5788. For the northern end of the county, call 281-585-0902. Anyone suffering PTSD can go to https://www.myptsd.com/, an online forum providing community support and a 24-hour chat room for those in need of immediate help. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or know someone who is, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
Amy remembers showering, trying to wash the memory off her, not realizing she was washing away any proof she had been sexually assaulted and any evidence that could be used to prosecute the person responsible. Though she had been drinking heavily at the party that night, and she admits to blacking out for part of it, she was certain she knew what happened to her.
The next day, she went to a concert, still unable to process the events, she said. Ultimately, the weight of it all was too much to bear alone. Amy finally broke down and shared what happened to the friend who found her.
The response? “I don’t believe you.”
It is a phrase Amy would hear often as gossip spread in the community about that night more than 15 years ago. The woman we are calling Amy is a former Brazoria County resident whose real name is being withheld to avoid identifying other people connected to her case.
Amy says she continued to reach out, hoping someone would believe her allegations and support her.
Instead, she was met with “it’s your fault.” Others accused her of trying to get attention to win back an ex.
“It doesn’t matter how much they drank or what they were wearing. That doesn’t give someone the right to push and force someone to do something they don’t consent to. The person that does that is the problem,” said David Moore, executive director for the Women’s Center of Brazoria County, a nonprofit that works with survivors of domestic abuse, sexual assault and rape. “That’s the problem across society, people who see it from that side. People don’t understand what that does for people who were assaulted in the first place when they’re not believed.”
When she did come forward, years later, a grand jury declined to indict the man she alleged assaulted her. A lack of physical evidence and holes about her credibility because she had been heavily intoxicated that night could have been factors.
Amy says she felt ashamed, guilty and afraid of hurting her family if they found out, so she didn’t go to the hospital and didn’t immediately report her claim of assault. How could she, she thought, if her community, her friends — even some members of her family, didn’t believe her.
“I thought I had the best childhood growing up,” Amy said. “… I felt like it was a normal, everyday childhood. I had a lot of family, so I was always close with my cousins growing up. We were always busy, always doing something. If it wasn’t sports, it was family.
“I felt very connected to the community,” she said. “Everyone seems to know everybody. The community just seems like it still is the perfect hurricane for survivors to fall through the cracks consistently. I felt so much shame and guilt.”
KEEPING IT TO THEMSELVES
According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, 690 sexual assaults out of every 1,000 go unreported to police every year.
The National Crime Victimization Survey, conducted from 2005 to 2010 by the U.S. Justice Department, states 20 percent of sexual assault victims said they did not report because they feared retaliation, 13 percent believed the police would not do anything to help and 30 percent gave another reason or declined to answer. Victims coming forward years, even decades later, is a common occurrence at the Women’s Center, Moore said.
“Most people who are victimized, they knew who it was before it happened,” he said. “There’s a lot of things going through a victim’s mind. There’s a lot of guilt and a lot of shame. Then, when they do reach out, they get retraumatized.”
A fact sheet from the National Sexual Violence Resource center states one in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives. In eight out of 10 rape cases, victims knew their attacker.
The frequency is greater in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community, with 46 percent of lesbians and 40 percent of gay men reporting experiencing sexual violence or rape at some point in their life, the center’s data states.
Data is more conclusive than it used to be, but an estimated 67 percent of victims don’t come forward. Not believing victims plays a huge part in that, said Sarah Kinsworthy, a counselor at Counseling Connections in Pearland, who works with sexual assault victims.
“It creates a culture of violence,” Kinsworthy said. “The most important thing we can do for victims is believe them. The odds of someone making a false outcry are incredibly low. For someone to share something like that, they are likely telling the truth because there’s a lot at stake for them, and to do something so anxiety-inducing is incredibly brave. More victims will come forward if they know and feel that it is safe to do so.”
SENSITIVE HANDLING
Family and friends aren’t the only ones who need to believe victims, Kinsworthy said. Survivors of assault frequently report to services like Counseling Connections that when they did finally try to report, they felt police investigators interrogated them as though they were the ones who committed a crime.
Stephen Bailey, a detective sergeant for the Lake Jackson Police Department for nearly four years who regularly works on sexual assault cases, said investigators do their best to train officers how to deal with victims.
“We try to be sensitive of every offense,” he said. “If someone was assaulted, they’re going to be dealing with that in the future. How well they deal with that in the future depends on how well investigators and others deal with them.
“For example, if a child makes an outcry and parents deal with that negatively, the child is going to be affected greatly by the lack of support,” Bailey continued. “If it’s an adult dealing with that and they face a police officer or investigator who is insensitive, you can see where that would cause problems. It’s not our intention at any point to do that.”
Officers go through training in the police academy to cover a range of issues they might encounter, including sexual assault. Once they graduate, they are required to go through 40 hours of repeat training every two years. Officers are required by the state to take some courses, but there are others officers can choose to take to fill up what remains of their 40 hours — including courses leading to sexual assault investigation specialization.
“We have a course called the Sexual Assault and Family Violence Investigators course. Once you take it, you can request certification as a special investigator for sex crimes,” said Bailey, adding he has taken the course and has a certificate to train others. “I’ll be honest with you, you try to teach people, but each situation is different. We try to talk about the proper protocol as much as we can.”
SILENT SPIRAL
Without support, Amy says her life began to spiral downward. She transferred to a university in another part of the state to get away from the memories and whispers, but the consistent A student began failing classes. Everywhere she looked, she saw her attacker’s face, causing her to have panic attacks in the middle of the day.
Unable to bear the burden, she attempted suicide.
Depression, flashbacks of the assault and post-traumatic stress disorder are the most common negative symptoms survivors experience, according to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. Survivors might also self-harm, struggle with sleeping and eating disorders, struggle with substance abuse, or contemplate or attempt to commit suicide.
While some topics have become more acceptable to talk about openly, sexual assault, even with the #metoo movement, still isn’t one of them, Moore said.
“There’s not a time when many women are going to feel comfortable sitting around a table, talking about their sex assault and abuse,” Moore said. “Now, people can talk about their struggles with breast cancer. There was a silence, but now they feel empowered.
“But the silence with sexual assault and domestic violence remains. They don’t feel the courage to step forward and talk about it,” he said. “That’s why we see cases where they haven’t reported for decades. They bring up a time when they were 6 or 18 and it’s decades later. Or they’re bringing their daughter in that needs to meet with someone and mom starts talking about what happened to her and never talked about within their own family.
“Silence is the hardest part.”
SEEKING JUSTICE: Lack of support, evidence hinder recovery from sexual assault
Editor's note: This story has been modified from its original post to clarify a grand jury routinely reviews sexual assault cases to determine whether they should proceed to trial.
Only after trying to take her own life did Amy have the courage she needed to share her memories about what happened in the woods during a summer party.
Almost a year after that night, aided by support from her college roommate and the university’s surrounding community, she returned to Brazoria County to tell police about her memories of being pushed to the ground and sexually assaulted during that party. An advocate from the Women’s Center and a police officer listened to her story with genuine concern, she said.
But Amy, a former Brazoria County resident whose real name is being withheld to avoid identifying other people connected to her case, said she wasn’t directed to the help she needed.
MAKING A CASE
David Moore, who became executive director of the Women’s Center five years ago, said guidelines now in place aim to provide broad support to victims and extensive training to help them.
Today, the state requires advocates for family violence centers to go through at least 20 hours of initial training in victim-related services. Moore said the Women’s Center requires potential advocates to go through a 250-page manual, after which they take a comprehensive exam, all within 30 days of employment. Throughout their time there, they go through continuous training offered by either the Women’s Center or by the state.
“Obviously, our main objective is to help someone that’s been traumatized to move forward through victimization. We help them set goals to move away from that. We help them move forward if they filed criminal charges,” Moore said. “With victim services, the core thing we try to do is just to believe the victim and believe their story … whereas prosecution has to look at it as a case and how to move a case forward in order to put bad people away.”
A detective interviewed Amy, the man she claims assaulted her and other witnesses from the party, including the friend who she says found her in the woods that night naked and barely able to move. The information investigators gathered was passed on to prosecutors to present to a grand jury.
In January 2002, without a rape kit from a hospital to provide DNA evidence and likely because Amy and others had been heavily drinking that night, the grand jury determined the evidence as insufficient to take the case to trial.
COLLECTING EVIDENCE
While the absence of a rape kit doesn’t necessarily mean a sexual assault can’t be proven, it is one of the strongest pieces of evidence a victim can have. And, in the case where DNA doesn’t match the person accused of the assault, the DNA can be stored for decades in case a perpetrator later turns up.
Moore said exams by a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner, or SANE exams, are especially beneficial to victims because they make cases stronger and nurses can testify in court on behalf of the victim.
However, there is a shortage of these specially trained nurses across the state. In Brazoria County, the closest place for most residents to get this exam is at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, and wait times are from three to eight hours, during which victims cannot shower.
“Every emergency room is required to do a rape kit, but SANE examinations can only be by nurses trained for that and trained to testify in court,” Moore said. “We lost those programs in Brazoria County about six or seven years ago, and nobody’s picked them up since.”
The shortage has been a huge problem for not only the county but all of Texas for a long time,
Brazoria County District Attorney Jeri Yenne said. There are many obstacles to getting nurses trained, starting with the high cost of the training, which adds no additional pay for these nurses.
“The training takes a huge period of time,” Yenne said. “Nurses have to be on call, the hospitals have to pay for extra time, and what’s required in those circumstances in the training is prohibitive for them and the nurse because it requires an extreme time commitment.”
HARD TO PROVE
Sexual assault cases are notoriously difficult to prosecute, Yenne said, but that doesn’t mean prosecutors don’t make an effort to bring charges.
Of every 1,000 sexual assaults in the United States, 230 will be reported to police, according to data compiled by the Rape, Assault and Incest National Network. Of those reports, roughly 1 in 5 will lead to an arrest.
However, showing the difficult in prosecuting sexual assault cases, only 1 in 50 sexual assault victims will see their attacker serve prison time, the data shows.
When alcohol or drugs were involved, getting a conviction is even more problematic, Yenne said, emphasizing that would be true for any crime.
“Truth of the matter is, each case should be reviewed on its own merits,” Yenne said. “The legal definition of intoxication is when you have lost the normal use of your mental and physical faculties.
“Does that affect your version of events? Absolutely. Otherwise, you would think driving while intoxicated was OK.” she said. “When an officer picks you up for intoxication, they’re going to testify you lost your mental and physical faculties. If someone witnessed a murder, I’m going to ask, ‘Did you consume alcohol or drugs?’ because I need to know if your recollection is reliable.
“I have a hard time vouching for a witness who was intoxicated,” Yenne said. “I don’t care who it was. If it was a witness to a burglary, that affects it.”
FALSE ACCUSATIONS
A major fear for Yenne or anyone investigating a reported sexual assault is falsely accusing an innocent person, whether it’s because the report is made-up or, more likely, because the victim named the wrong person due to the fogginess of their memory, she said.
A 2012 analysis of FBI data by the National Sexual Violence Resource Center estimates 2 to 7 percent of reports are false. That statistic is inflated due to inconsistencies in why a department classified a report as false, such as insufficient evidence to give to prosecutors, delayed reporting or victims deciding not to cooperate with investigators.
While the share of reports found to be false is small, Yenne points to an article by Texas Monthly detailing the cases of 37 innocent men falsely convicted in the state for sexual assault. Ultimately, DNA testing proved their innocence.
The wrongful convictions were caused by victims misidentifying their attacker or being coerced into accusing someone else, but it might be years, sometimes decades, before it’s discovered someone is behind bars for a crime they didn’t commit.
A thorough investigation, including proper DNA testing, could have saved those men from losing their time and their reputations, Yenne said.
“I don’t take just the alleged victim’s word. We check out the facts and the circumstances,” Yenne said. “We’ve had falsified events, so we screen them and we’re not going to apologize for that. Thirty-seven innocent men were convicted in the state of Texas. We want to make sure our victims get justice. At the same time, we want to make sure we never accuse an innocent person for any crime in this county, not just sexual assault.”
Yenne habitually has a grand jury review sexual assault cases. These members of the public review information gathered by detectives and can subpoena additional evidence, such as phone or medical records, before determining whether a case has enough substantial evidence to bring to trial. This protects both the accuser and the accused, she said.
“I want that independent body to have every piece of information it needs to make a decision. I keep an open mind because that’s the only way that justice ever occurs,” Yenne said.
MOVING FORWARD: Communities can help reduce number of victims
HELP IS AVAILABLE The Women’s Center of Brazoria County has two 24-hour hotlines where a trained specialist can help if you or a loved one were assaulted. Call 1-800-243-5788. For the northern end of the county, call 281-585-0902. Anyone suffering PTSD can go to https://www.myptsd.com/, an online forum providing community support and a 24-hour chat room for those in need of immediate help. If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or know someone who is, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
After a Brazoria County grand jury chose not to indict the man Amy believes sexually assaulted her in the woods during a party decades ago, she tried her best to move on with her life. She did it, in part, by moving away from the community where she grew up.
Being in her hometown made her uncomfortable. Her visits to Brazoria County to see her parents and sister became less frequent until they stopped happening at all.
“I didn’t want to run into anybody because I heard what people were saying about me. I didn’t want anyone to see me or recognize me. … I was afraid of seeing people,” Amy said. “My dad started getting really mad at me because I rarely went home, and when I was home, I wouldn’t want to go out without them. That caused a lot of strain on my family and myself.”
After graduating college, Amy took a job as an advocate with a nonprofit that provides safety for individuals and families affected by domestic violence, sexual assault and exploitation.
She later moved to the western United States, where she continues her advocacy work. While years of therapy and finding a supportive community have allowed for significant healing, she said she still suffers from PTSD and struggles to maintain relationships.
“I’ve had to make myself be OK with the possibility of never having a family of my own,” she said via e-mail.
SUPPORT BARRIERS
Part of Amy’s inability to move on from her assault could be rooted in the lack of support she initially received, said Dawn Lawless, a social worker with Counseling Connections in Pearland, who specializes in sexual assault. But even when victims come forward today, more than 15 years after Amy reported her assault, there is a shortage of services in Brazoria County to help them, Lawless said.
“One of the barriers to treatment for women and children and men who have been assaulted is the lack of access,” Lawless said. “Brazoria County has an extremely low rate of mental health providers in our county in comparison to national and state standards. Like, huge discrepancies. Like, 1,700 victims to one counselor.
“So, when we’re talking about sexual assaults and responses to that from a community-wide perspective, we don’t have the resources here to deal with that fully because there are more assaults than we have providers for.”
Even when survivors manage to access the help they need, they can’t always afford it. Nonprofits and law enforcement are trying to address that gap, though, according to Sarah Kinsworthy, a counselor at Counseling Connections.
“At Counseling Connections, we try to bring in therapists and interns to reach underserved populations. Shelters and the Women’s Center certainly stay busy,” she said. “But victims do qualify for grant-funded therapy. Because there is a shortage of help, sometimes the concern is they’re not going to receive services. But there are hotlines to fill in those gaps, like RAINN.”
There is always hope, though, for all victims, said David Moore, executive director for the Women’s Center. Sexual assault can be prevented, he said, but it requires community education.
“We have a Sexual Assault Response Team where local victim service providers and law enforcement agencies meet regularly at our offices to discuss solutions and prevention,” he said. “We also have a prevention program. One of our victim advocates has been going out for the last two years to the West Columbia school district for an eight-week-long course for establishing healthy relationships and identifying risk factors that lead to becoming a victim.
“The challenge has proven to be risk factors leading to victimization or victimizing. We’re trying to address that with young people and are looking to expand those programs. We do awareness and education every day, but what we consider to be crime prevention is a lot more intensive.”
BLAMING VICTIMS
So far, police departments within the county don’t have community education or outreach programs specifically geared toward sexual assault, said Sgt. Stephen Bailey, an investigator with the Lake Jackson Police Department. They’re open to the idea of working with organizations like the Brazoria County Women’s Center but try to focus their education efforts on officers. Education in the community is also a must, though, Bailey said.
“A lot of the improvements that need to be made are kind of societal changes,” Bailey said. “Sexual assault is never the victim’s fault. The victim should be able to live their life however they choose, within the law of course. Just because someone makes certain decisions, you hear things like, ‘Oh, she was asking for it,’ or ‘She was wearing certain clothes,’ but that is not OK.
“Consent is a key issue,” Bailey added. “Someone’s behavior up until the point of assault doesn’t matter. At any point, they can say no. I think society can see that more now where previously victims beared some blame for the sex assault when that never should have been the case.”
Sexual Assault and Family Violence courses are a specialized class offered in the department, and Bailey, who took the course himself, said he hopes more officers will start taking the course in the future because “it could only benefit everyone.”
Education starts at home, though, Kinsworthy said, and having conversations about respect, boundaries and consent can begin as young as a child can talk.
“For example, we can say, ‘This is my body. Hold your hands out like a bubble and no one can come into that space unless you invite them and we can’t go into others’ bubbles either,’” Kinsworthy said. “When someone says no, it means no.
“For people who are willing to share their stories, it is important for them to continue to do that. Many people don’t want to share because they’re concerned about the stigma. If we continue to educate, we can overcome that stigma and empower others.”
‘AT A CROSSROADS’
Misinformation is the largest obstacle to sexual assault prevention and help for victims, Moore said. Perceptions can overrun factual information.
“The tendency it seems is people want to be affirmed in something they want to believe is true versus finding the right information that contradicts what they want to believe,” Moore said.
“We need to educate ourselves and be aware of people who are allowed access to our kids and family, understand the dynamics of power and control, and be educated in a way we can see abuse for what it is.”
Amy dedicates herself to her advocacy work to ensure others do not feel alone in their pain as she did, but she is uncertain about her own future. She often wonders if she has the strength to continue her work.
“I’m at a crossroads right now. I want to quit because it’s so hard, but I’m feeling like this is bigger than me,” Amy said. “... I don’t want to abandon anybody. At the same time, this is taking a huge toll on me.”
By telling her story, Amy said, she hopes to make others aware of the struggles sexual assault survivors experience.
“Maybe there is a survivor who will benefit from any kind of ripple effect I may make,” she said.